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Depression and how to live with it

A Survivor, Student Health

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December 11, 2016 my grandmother was diagnosed with pneumonia and emitted to the Vernon general hospital. Then April 22, 2016 my best friend of six years died in a tragic car accident. Then June 2, 2016 I found out I was moving away from my home town, the town I was born and raised in, and I had to pack up and move eight hours away to a town I knew nothing about.

My down hill slide started when my grandmother got sick because she is more of a mother too me. She has raised me like her own child, she’s been there for me through a lot, but now I didn’t know how to help her when she got sick and it hurt me more than anyone else.

Then what felt like a bomb went off inside me when I found out Rihanna was the one in the car accident everyone was watching so close. She was my best friend and it still hurts to talk about her in past tense. She was my everything, but then on the 22nd day of the 4th month everything changed, she was gone and I didn’t leave my room until it was time to go to her service a week and a day later and even then I did not look fit to be in public. That’s when I started getting thoughts about self harm and suicide. I didn’t know how far I’d make it.

Next thing I knew my parents packed us up and moved. From the day I found out about moving and the day we left my home town, was 30 day exactly, no more no less. All my friends were out of town and I was stuck in my house that I’d soon be leaving. I had so many mentions there. Too many nights of staying in and watching movies, to many run-ins with the police, too many nights I half remember, and too many friends I had to leave behind. That’s when everything got worse. I started hurting myself in more ways than one, I was hospitalized for many attempts to end my life, and I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Then school started and that was bad.  And I thought things couldn’t get worse at that point. There was bullying, there was abuse, there was rumours, and there where falling grades. I didn’t care about myself but I cared what others thought about me. Hockey started but that didn’t help. The girls on my team were all a bunch of stuck up snobs who bullied me into thinking I wasn’t worth anything. They made me feel like a waste of skin and that I didn’t have a right to live and I believed them and I I still do.

I have fought through so much including abuse, bullies, moves, deaths, near deaths, and self harm. I still am fighting eating disorders and abuse and bullies but I am slowly getting better. The relapses are few and farther between and hospital trips are less and less. I’m getting over my past but it’s not easy. I want everyone out there reading this to know that you mean something to someone even if you don’t think so, trust me, you’re someone’s whole world. Don’t give up and keep fighting. You will get through it.

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1 Comment

One Response to “Depression and how to live with it”

  1. unknown on October 20th, 2017 10:21 pm

    Hey honey, I just want you to know that you are loved. There are people out here who understand and are willing to talk. Stay strong. Your writing is very good by the way, keep up the good work! Thank you for writing this article. 🙂

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Depression and how to live with it