Unforgivable Deeds

Onward is a list of unforgivable deeds that one should never, ever do. Ever. They are horrid, cowardly, and cruel actions that are the epitome of rude. Avoid all by any means necessary.

  1. Be a jerk to a waiter/waitress. Ok, I work retail, so I don’t have first-hand experience with this, but it’s similar enough. It’s a horrid way to treat the hand that feeds you (literally). They sacrifice their time to be there, graciously serve you your meal, along with multiple other people, and you go and act like a jerk to them because there’s “too much salt “on your $50 pasta or it “took too long to get here”. First of all, they didn’t make it, the cooks did. Second, they can’t control how long it takes to make your meal, because like earlier mentioned, they aren’t the cooks. Get over yourself, you picked your meal, deal with the waiting time.
  2. The Accidental Curly. I don’t know how many of you get this reference, and I won’t waste your time explaining it (I’m nice like that), but the moral of the story of The Accidental Curly by Barney Stinson, is that you don’t steal someone else’s fries, unless they offer you one. Only the tightest of bros are allowed to freely snatch fries, or any other food for that matter, without being granted the honor of sharing. But unless you have achieved that level of bro-ness, don’t even get near my food without my gracious offer.
  3. Take a call right as you get to the front of the line, and then hold your finger up at the cashier for her/him to wait. I don’t even know where to start. You wait in the line, for probably around 5-10 minutes, just shuffling your feet, looking at the impulse items along the line, waiting to pay for your purchases and move on with life. Finally, you’re at the front, you can see a cashier just about ready to finish up with a customer, and then you get a phone call. So you answer it as you’re walking towards the free till, and when the cashier pleasantly greets you, you put your finger up rudely, yapping away at the person on the phone, and don’t even make eye contact with the cashier, silently paying and snatching your purchase, then leaving. Everything about that is rude. Everything. I don’t even know what to say. Like I said earlier, I work retail, and everyone agrees that this is an unforgivable sin. The peak of impoliteness.
  4. Try and talk to me when I have my headphones in. For all those who haven’t realized this yet: headphones=do not disturb. I have both in for a reason; I don’t want to be a part of the outside world until my favourite song is over. Just let me jam out to possibly the greatest song in existence, and ignore everything around me. Please. Both headphones in means I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to listen to my tunes. If I have one in, sure, go ahead, start up a conversation. But only when one earbud is out. That’s the rule.
  5. Keeping your high beams on when another car drives by. I don’t know how many of you can drive, but you probably have experienced this at some point, whether you’re the one driving or not. It’s kind of late, pretty dark, and few to no street lamps around (maybe a highway or something), so the driver puts their high beams on to get some more light on the road. There’s no cars around, just your car, so it’s not like you’re going to blind any oncoming traffic. But as soon as the faint light of another car rounding the corner is visible, the high beams immediately go off, to prevent the other driving from being unable to see properly. But when the car finally rounds the corner, they don’t turn theirs off. So you drive by, being temporarily blinded due to the lights as bright as the sun flooding your vision, and the driver may or may not curse. The reason no one should do this, is because it’s dangerous, and really annoying. The sun has already been out today, you don’t need to do its job. Chill.
  6. Taking up two seats on a bus by putting your feet up. I don’t care how sleepy you are, or how comfortable it is to sit like that; other people would actually like to sit, that’s the sole purpose of those chairs. They aren’t footrests, you overly arrogant arsehole. Get over yourself. Unless you’re the Queen of England, Beyoncé, or have been fatally wounded, get your feet down now, and sit like a normal person.
  7. Sitting next to me when literally the entire movie theatre is empty. I understand you sitting next to me when it’s full, that’s tolerable. But when there’s only a handful of people here, at least sit a row away or something. I don’t know you, and I don’t want to know you, I just came to watch a movie. So please respect my rather large personal bubble, and remove yourself from it. I’d also appreciate you not sitting in front of me when you’re over 5’4.
  8. Don’t “k” me, unless you’re being sassy, or being chased by a murderer. When you’re texting someone and they say something particularly stupid, or something of that sort, and the only thing you can say is the sassiest “k” you’ve ever sassed, then that’s acceptable, encouraged even. But if you’re just having a normal conversation, no sassing necessary, and the only thing you can muster after my thought out, winded text is “k”, I will personally murder you. The only exception is if you’re being chased by a murderer and have idiotically replied despite the dire situation you’re in. I appreciate the thought, but you should call 911 or something instead. So, unless you’re in extreme danger, or I need to be sassed back into place, don’t “k” me if you value your life.
  9. Be unnecessarily loud when I’m sleeping. If I manage to sleep in to noon or around that time, I can understand you getting out the vacuum and cleaning, because I’ve already slept in long enough. But if it’s before 10 am, and you start vacuuming, I cannot forgive you of that slight. Sleep is a beautiful thing, and I always loathe having it disturbed needlessly. My wrath after being awoken before noon is similar to a mother bear having her cubs threatened. Remember that.
  10. Copying off someone without asking permission/being offered. Everyone has done it, at least once in their life. You forgot about the homework, so when the teacher announces that it’s to be handed in immediately, you hurriedly turn to your friend next to you, flashing your best panicked and helpless look, and plead with your eyes for the help you desperately need. They sigh in exasperation, but pull out their paper anyways, sliding it onto your desk so you can quickly scribble the answers down. That is acceptable, and a true sign of faithful, pure camaraderie. But if you unashamedly copy off the person next to you while working, or during a quiz, without asking or anything, that is low. Disgusting even. Shame upon you, thief.